new day, new challenges

after my first miscarriage i hibernated.  i didn’t leave the house.  i hardly left my bedroom most days.  i was so closed off from all relationships.  the only person i let in was my husband and i can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for him.  i rationalized my hibernation and i stayed in the same place for almost a full year.  now here i am, almost the same time of year, still coming to terms with my second miscarriage.  it is cruel.  it is mean.  but i can do things differently.

there is so much out of my control that i am desperately grasping at what i can control.

my hair.  i don’t color it.  i don’t pull grays.  i do flat iron the hell of out of my wavy frizzy mess.  i wanted to do something drastic.  (but nothing permanent.)  i got the idea from my husband actually.  he kept telling me he wished i could see myself through his eyes.  (sigh. i know ladies, i am so very lucky!)  that i am the strongest person he knows.  that my strength during the d & c and my emotional strength after should shine through.  but the thing is, i don’t feel strong.  i feel like a failure, especially after my second miscarriage.  i desperately want to feel the way he sees me and i control that.  i thought i would start with a visual reminder each day that i am kinda a bad ass.  all women that have gone through this are.  seriously ladies, to have this loss, then to put on the big girl panties (well, technically take them off!) and to try again.  serious bad ass.  so i headed to my favorite hair stylist and asked for pink streaks!  talk about challenging myself!  i stepped completely out of my box on this one! oh it made her day.   and i am totally digging the change. 

another thing i can control.  my weight.  i don’t control it.  i need to control it.  it is a challenge.  a challenge that i am re-committing myself.  i need a plan.  a concrete plan.  i came up with a reward system.  not food.  but real, rewards.  pedicures.  travels.  shopping.  i will post more details and use this blog as keeping me accountable.  i lost 60lbs when i had a personal trainer and the following 6 months after she left 2 years ago.  and i kept it off!  i know i can do this.  i just HAVE to do it.  i am taking back control.

so this is day one.  pink hair, check.  gym, check.  here is a picture from the elliptical to prove it.  see, accountability.  i spent 60 mins on the elliptical. 4.62 miles (whoot!) then 20 mins working on the ball for core exercises. 

i am working on my workout jams and i will post them later today.  with some of my rewards lined up!  what do you do to keep on track?  consistency is the hardest thing.

4 comments
Anonymous
Anonymous

The best thing for consistency is establishing a routine. The next best thing is find some kind of external accountability. Megan and I get on each other if the other one feels lazy and doesn't want to go to the gym. I find a workout partner is a great way to establish that, but hard to find and harder to mesh schedules with (I haven't had one since college). It sounds like you need... Dylan! You could write up a "health" contract outlining his expectations as a motivator and the goals you want to achieve. Another idea is for walking/running you could use one of the many apps out there for your awesome new phone. You can get detailed info about your walks/runs or whatever outdoor activity. The advantage here is to challenge yourself. You have specific clear records of who you did last time and you can use that to motivate yourself to push harder the next time.If you ever want some help changing up your workout routines Megan and I can help you. You are a very important person and we love you. Don't forget that!-Mystang

Anonymous
Anonymous

You are bad ass! Love the pink streaks. I've been praying for your strength, and you're in turn inspiring me today!-Bethwww.beppycat.blogspot.com

Susan Abshire
Susan Abshire

Awesome pink hair for an awesome person! I love keeping track with food I eat on the weight watchers website. It really helps me while I am on the go all the time. I can use the i-phone ap. exercise is my weakness. I have got to get better at it for sure.. I know on the WW site you can also track your exercise there.

The Hills
The Hills

Proud of you, girl. I signed up to run a 4 miler in (you know, that state we don't talk about), so I start my training today! I HATE running, but I love this race and I am excited to do it again. Today I only have to run for like 60 seconds at a time. Hopefully I won't die. :) You and your badass hair will be my inspiration!