this is what i know to be true

pain is pain. loss is loss. love is love.

i have lost something i can’t replace.  the pain is overwhelming.  not long ago we decided to have some optimism and try to conceive again.  i realized it had been almost a full year since our miscarriage and i didn’t want to live any more of my life sad.  with the covers pulled over anything good that could come into my life.  we tried.  we quickly succeeded.  we were pregnant.

7 weeks later i am sitting here writing another miscarriage story.  to say i am heartbroken wouldn’t come close to express my feelings. i am angry. i am so very angry.

this experience has been completely different from the last. this time i had amazing doctors. amazing care. i had to have an emergency d & c procedure, while fully awake.  i have had a broken leg and the pain of those 10 minutes made the broken leg seem like a bad paper cut.  the worst, physically, is over.  i am on strong antibiotics and pain meds and am feeling sore, but okay.

now we can start moving forward emotionally.

we shared our news with a few friends and family.  their love, support, and kindness have filled our empty hearts and we appreciate them so very much.  i have learned a lot during the last week about people.  i think during times of pain or loss the relationships you have with people become very clear.  lessons have been learned and they will not be forgotten.

i am sad. i am in pain. i have had a great loss. but i feel so much love from those i am now choosing to surrounding myself with.  the love i have for my amazing husband is more present and full than ever before. after our first miscarriage i could only feel the darkness i was in. this time i am remembering what a dear friend wrote to me, you only have shadows if your life is filled with sun.

4 comments
Lisa Draper
Lisa Draper

Kelsi, I love you and I am so sorry.

Wren
Wren

I'm so sorry to hear this, Kelsi.

Dallas
Dallas

oh kelsi. i am so, so, so, so, sorry. i love you.