one time wasn’t enough

last friday night the husband and i went back to the state fair for a second time.  it has been YEARS since we have been to the fair at night to see the fireworks and thought it about time.  it was such a great time walking hand in hand with my best friend.  the simplest things just bring a smile to my face these days.  freely wanting to walk from one end of the fairgrounds to the other.  no huffing.  no awkward sweating.  just walking and people watching.  i can’t help but smile.

we ran into a group of ladies that i absolutely adore but haven’t seen in quite some time since we moved out of the city limits.  one just had a beautiful baby.  i feel like as this weight is coming off, my heart has become lighter.  a year ago i was in such a dark place.  i couldn’t be happy for anyone because i was in so much pain.  no matter what the happy news, but especially about a pregnancy and a birth.  the world just seemed so cruel.  i am not going to lie, i do have those thoughts sometime.  it is so easy to do so.  especially in my work.  today and this week i am recommending in court to terminate parental rights and it is so extremely difficult on so many levels.  seeing my friends on friday showed me that i truly am so happy for their happiness.  i wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than where i am in my life right now.  honestly.  i sometimes think that i would have an almost two year old right now.  but where would my health be.  would they have been healthy.  would my husband also be losing weight.  we wouldn’t be as close as we are.  we wouldn’t have had the experiences that we have had and will have traveling.  all this to say i realized on friday night that for the first time in a really, really long time i am happy in this moment.  it isn’t perfect.  but it is where i am and i am content to be here.  and the fireworks were absolutely worth going the second time.

we also hit up the hogway speedway.  always a classic at the nc state fair.  my favorite was, of course, the goat race.  sigh.  i love goats.

the husband had his favorite.  the duck race.

and because i just figured out how to upload videos from our new camera here is my favorite folk festival contestant from the previous monday.  i love going to the folk festival because you just never know what you are going to see.  some years it has been really, really bad.  this year, amazing.