weigh in monday

i have been in a major weight loss slump.  a plateau if you will.  it has completely sucked.  this past monday, well sunday really, i decided that if i am to go to vegas and be proud of whatever weight i have accomplished to get off then i really need to push myself.  push myself harder than i have pushed before.

at times like these i go back to the source of my motivation.  that moment when i am lying on my ob-gyn’s table and she is telling me the news that we have had another miscarriage.  the doctors don’t say my weight is what has caused our fertility struggles.  but it is always in the back of my mind  lets face it, i was completely unhealthy.  that single moment has changed my life.  i don’t know why the first one didn’t.  i think the first one broke everything inside of me.  it took this second one to remind me that i still have life in me and i need to fight.  fight for myself.  whether we decide to try an conceive again or adopt or even decide no kids.  i need to fight for myself.  if there is a next time around i want to remove all possibility that my weight, that “i” caused another baby to die within me.  that guilt.  that pain.  it is an impossibly strong motivator.

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this week i went to the fair twice.  i walked/ran 15 miles on my morning route.  i ate well and met my calorie intake.  i splurged here and there (real ice cream at the fair and an italian restaurant birthday celebration).

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weigh in this week:  5 pounds lost!  total lost in 18 weeks: 43 pounds!  total lost in 3 years: 83 pounds!

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