weigh in monday, the nitty gritty truth.

i have gained nine pounds. nine pounds have made there way back since april 16th. i am not at all happy about this.  i knew it was happening. i just let it.  i can blame my herniated disk. i can blame my hormones. but at the end of the day i stopped weighing myself daily.  i stopped counting calories. i stopped blogging each week about my success and failures.  i gave myself lots of rationalization treats.  oh those are the worst.

the i am having a pity party so i deserve this cookie.  or three.  or six.

when i wrote about how counting calories and watching what i eat is never going to end, i didn’t realize how right i was.  the idea that i will somehow get to a magical number on the scale and then have the ability to eat whatever i want because i am “cured” is ridiculous.  never going to happen fatty.

here is the good thing.  these are all important lessons that i must learn.  i want to WANT to make healthy decisions.  i want to continue losing.  i WILL do both.  no excuses.  no pity party.  i turned my week around about mid week and lost three pounds.  the ball is rolling back in the right direction.

click for source.

an injury does not dictate my success or failure.  i do.  being an emotional hot mess will not be an excuse for bad eating decisions.  one ticket for the personal responsibility train, all aboard!

this weekend the husband and i had MANY long discussions.  (did i mention i was an emotional hot mess?) i don’t know how i got so lucky but i did.  i will just give one small scenario from this weekend:

husband walks into bathroom while wife is trying to do her hair.  she is frustrated and feels ugly and is all around hating herself.  he asks what the plan is for the day.  wife loses her shit.  drops the flat iron, screams “get out” and “i don’t want to spend the day with you” then hides in the closet with the door slammed shut.  husband waits a few minutes then bravely walks into closet.  he finds his wife crying on the floor.  crying about everything that hurts her.  crying all the sadness she has kept inside for entirely too long.  he holds her until there are no more tears.  she says she is sorry for the words she screamed and he immediately forgives her.

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today is a new day.  a new week.  i am cleaning out closets and purging.  it feels so good to purge.  we are starting to plan for a complete upstairs renovation.  i am excited. i am looking forward to the future.  i am making healthy decisions for both my body and my mind.  and when all else fails, this will happen.

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hugging those pups of mine is the best medicine in the world.