Currently Browsing: losing the weight


in an attempt to get back on the healthy train, i have challenged myself to a smoothie a day.  i love smoothies.  i have a several frozen in my freezer.  they are quick.  they are super healthy.  i have a vitamix, that i love.  {i am kinda obsessed}  no reason or excuse.

since becoming a mama i have struggled with eating well and i know my health has suffered.  i have been sick more this year than any before.  so not only do i want to lose some major poundage, i really want to kick start my immune system.  basically, i want to FEEL healthy again.

here is what i will be drinking this first week.

several smoothies that i made and have left in the freezer.

super immune smoothie.  i made this one this morning and it was SO refreshing.  the pineapple popped and the fresh lemon and orange juice definitely woke me up.  it literally was like sunshine in my glass.


orange creamsicle smoothie.

sunrise metabolism booster. people swear by the health power in apple cider vinegar.  i thought, here is a good way to start.

thin mint smoothie. i mean, what better way to get back into the habit of green smoothies than one that tastes like a thin mint.

do you have a favorite smoothie recipe?  or favorite immunity boosting drink?  if so, share!

{crazy} healthy mint chocolate chip milkshake

my daily green smoothie recipe is getting a bit redundant.  pb2, frozen banana, milk and spinach.  easy and yummy but i wanted something new.  something fresh.  something green and minty.  my favorite ice cream flavor is mint chocolate chip.  this flavor was the inspiration.

1 cup milk
1 banana (mine was peeled and frozen)
3 cups baby spinach
1/4-1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract (a little goes a LONG way!)
1 sprig fresh mint leaves
1 scoop vanilla protein powder
3 cups ice cubes
2 tablespoons chocolate chocolate chips

blend all ingredients except for chocolate chips until smooth. add more milk if mixture is too thick to turn. add chocolate and pulse until ground into chunky pieces. transfer to glasses.

yesterday i bought mint chocolate chip ice cream.  like no other ice cream before, it is still in our freezer.  i made one of these last night and it hit the craving.  super healthy.  ridiculously delicious.  i see many more of these in my future.

finding peace with food.

i took a bit of a break from this space.  the husband whisked me away to dc for valentine’s day to see my most favorite band, mumford & sons.  we were able to catch up with friends.  we won our oscar ballot pool for a third time.  we were thrilled to welcome addison grace, my first niece, into the world.  lots of pillow orders completed.  opening day is right around the corner.

i have found myself stuck.  stuck with the overwhelming confidence and accomplishment of losing 100 pounds and yet not able to consistently get far from that goal.  i have stopped writing about my relationship with food because i thought it was getting a bit old for my readers.  but then a stranger wrote to me that my blog was making a difference.  i felt inspired again to fill this space with my words.  i felt the need to get back on track with documenting my successes and struggles.

losing weight is hard. let me say that again. losing weight is haaarrrd. but there’s motivation and reinforcement when you see the changing of your body and health. each week the scale gives you a big pat on the back. and all the while, you’re telling yourself it will get easier. and it does in some ways.  and in others it is still the same hard struggle.  every day is a new day to make good decisions for your health or the same poor decisions that landed you to be morbidly obese.

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i read a lot of weight loss stories. i am always interested to see how others have gone about their journey. more than the path they chose and the foods they ate, i am looking to see introspection. not the diet, not the will power, not the tips. i am a firm believer that diets do not work. you have to make a life change. you have to understand the relationship with food. i want to know the ‘why.’ at the end of the day that is the only question that matters.

the problem with weight loss magazines is they treat compulsive eating and emotional eating as a physical problem. that it can be remedied with tips, advice, and weight loss plans. if i am to be honest with myself, i know that this information, no matter how many times i read it, will never cure me. if there were real answers to why i have always felt like i need a frosty and a large fry from wendy’s to get me through the night, then maybe i wouldn’t have to write this now. my compulsive eating is a problem of psychology. it is deeply rooted in my emotions and it will only be “solved” when i allow myself to feel the things i run away from.

i understand the movement to love your body no matter you size. this is a health issue. self worth is not up for debate. our value is not determined by the number on the scale.

throughout my lifetime i developed what geneen roth calls “the inclination to bolt.” she is the incredible author of such books as “when food is love,” “feeding the hungry heart,” and her latest, “women, food, and god.” she has a keen understanding of emotional eating and her writing has made a world of difference to me. i highly recommend reading her books. her book, “women, food, and god,” deals in part with this “inclination to bolt” as it refers to the intense desire to leave yourself, to flee, when life becomes difficult. it is the wanting to be anywhere but where you are. sound familiar? me too. to escape boredom, anxiety, sadness, fear, and loneliness. food is the place i go to escape. obsession, in any form, be it with food, with schedules, with the future, with alcohol or drugs, is an avoidance of the present. it is a way of passing time, a way to “get through” life.

not to live life, but survive it.

so i am here, 100 pounds lost, confronting my emotional eating. something i should have done a good time ago. trying to learn what got me to 300+ pounds so that i won’t go back. i have to stay here, to sit with myself. because if i leave the moment when i feel uncomfortable, i am missing the opportunity to grow, to learn, to be strong, and to move forward.

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for valentine’s day my husband gave me a magnet.  a quote from my favorite human being, eleanor roosevelt.  it says, “do one thing every day that scares you.”  breaking habits is scary.  breaking routines.  breaking from the norms we have created over years.  it is all scary.  but in those moments of fear, you have the opportunity to grow.

my path has become much less about the number on scale.  my motivation is to learn about myself {why i make poor decisions when it comes to my health}. to challenge myself {to do better than i have before}. to grow.


32 is a lovely number.

tomorrow i turn 32.  this might be the first year that i felt how quickly the years seem to be going by.  it reminds how much i want to do.  how much i want to see.  how much i want to experience.

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so much of my time is spent thinking about all the things that could go wrong.  my goal for year 32, focus on what could go right.  just yesterday i learned terrible, heartbreaking news from my dear friend.  then an hour later, i heard amazing, shout happiness from the roof top news from another close friend.  lesson is this.  shit happens.  it happens to good people that deserve nothing but great things.  but you know what else, wonderful things happen.  there is a lot of good.  i need to put my focus into knowing that good things can happen too.

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i love lists.  a birthday is a great time to make a goal list.  my project for this year, 32 hikes.  i have never been one to enjoy a stroll in the woods.  i always thought it was because i didn’t like the woods.  turns out, i didn’t like hiking in the woods because i was 300 pounds.  now that i have lost 100 pounds of that weight, i am kinda enjoying walking hand in hand with my husband.  seeing new sights and experiencing adventures.  it is refreshing to learn new things about yourself at 31.  i can’t wait to see what i will learn during year 32.

hike #1/32, cox mountain trail in the eno river state park.  3.7 miles of strenuous hiking.  i feel like we are going to hit up several of the eno river trails.  i LOVE the river.  suspension bridge, not so much.

the first part of the trail is beyond strenuous.  two hills that will kick your ass.  well, kick mine.  i did push myself and sprint up the last few yards.  and by sprint, i mean running as fast as i could but if you were an observer you might not know i was “running.”  did i mention they were steep?!  but once at the top, the rest of the trail is smooth.  enjoyable.  quiet.  serene.

we packed our lunch and found a good spot to picnic.  as we were walking we saw boulders in the middle of the river.  with our new waterproof hiking boots we felt no fear for going for it.  it was worth it.  {and no wet socks to report}

hike #1/32 is in the books.  if you have any favorite hikes please share!

great side note: hiking is a great workout.  i burned a little over 1000 calories on sunday during our two hour hiking/exploring trails.  my weigh in yesterday was two pounds lost.  yay!  i was thrilled to pull the 2 pounds after my 4 pound loss the week prior.  now starts our two week cycle were i can’t push as hard so i really have to focus on calories and maintaining.  i have to say, i am really proud of myself for sticking with exercise and logging minutes each day.  i feel stronger.  i feel good about myself.

i am looking forward to the year ahead.

400 calorie pumpkin pie {the entire pie!}

disclaimer: i do not support eating an entire pie.  by yourself.  that being said, if you are feeling the need to splurge on pie, this is the pie to make.

i am an emotional eater.  i am all about finding ways to trick my brain into feeling comfort from healthier options than i turned to in the past.  when i think of  pie, i think of amazing smells in the kitchen.  i think of huge family gatherings at thanksgiving.  comfort food at its best.

now this pie will not win any awards at the state fair.  it is not a flaky crust pie.  there is no crust.  but for those moments when you have a sweet tooth, want your kitchen smelling of pumpkin spice, this is for you.  the entire pie is 400 calories.  the entire pie.  i made it yesterday.  sat down to read my book club book with my 1/4 pie piece and i felt like i was sneaking a treat.  my brain had not caught on to the fact that that overindulgent piece of pie was a whopping 100 calories.

the ingredients:

1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice

2 teaspoons cinnamon

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/3 cup light brown sugar

1 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/3 cup flour

2 teaspoons truvia or another sugar substitute

3 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 – 15oz can pure pumpkin puree

1 cup milk {i used unsweetened vanilla almond milk for 30 calories per cup}

preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  mix all the ingredients together well.  pour into a well greased pie dish and bake for 30-40 mins.  let it fall and cool before slicing it up.

it is good to have dishes like this in the arsenal.  so many decadent temptations.  this hits the spot and isn’t going to hurt my goals that i am trying to reach each week.  what are your secret recipes to keep on track when you need something sweet?

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