Currently Browsing: love of my life

hormones, stupid people, and peeing on sticks.

today is one of those days.  one of those days i don’t want to reach out.  i don’t want to talk.  i don’t want to feel a damn thing.  i don’t want to be.  yeah.  pity party for one, please.  i feel like this post has been writing itself in my head for a couple weeks now and i am just emotional enough today to put my thoughts down on screen.  my little brother is having a baby.  well, his wife.  they are becoming parents and giving our parents their first grandchild.  yes.  i am happy for them.  they are a wonderful couple and will be fantastic parents.  yes.  i am excited to be an aunt for the first time.  yes.  i have gone to showers and put a smile on my face.  yes.  i want to punch a wall.  yes.  i cry every time i leave a family gathering.  yes. i wish it was me.

when my brother first told me the news, i could tell everyone was “nervous” to tell me.  like i was going to flip out.  like i was going to lose it.  don’t worry.  i did.  but i am much more polite to let anyone witness that raw emotion.  i remember not knowing what i was more upset about, (a) they were treating me like i was fragile and pitiful (b) my little brother and his wife got pregnant without thinking about it (c) everyone had game talks about how to tell me (d) all of the above.  the answer is d.  it is always all of the above no matter how long the list.

i got through the gender shower because i was just so positive that any day we would also get pregnant.  i lost it around the holidays because the realization that their baby is almost here and we have only had two chemical miscarriages in the almost 9 months.  then the baby shower almost destroyed me.  again.  if i was just with my brother and his wife, i would be fine.  they are so support and understanding without trying too hard.  this leads me to the bulk of my blog post.  these are all things that have been said to me during this heartbreaking time for my husband and myself.  take note.  pass along.  the following is a list of the worst things to tell someone struggling with infertility with some ways to simply show your support instead.

click for source.

1. relax.  or better yet.  stop trying.  i seriously had a family member walk up to me at the baby shower a couple weekends ago and state, “well, it doesn’t look like you trying is working out so well.”  what they hell kind of shit is that to say?!  i will tell you what. i don’t care how old you are.  i don’t care.  people you are on notice.  my patience is running tremendously thin with people and their comments. in case you didn’t know, worrying about getting pregnant is not a scientific cause of infertility. also, infertility causes stress. not the other way around. ps. try relaxing when your body is being probed constantly and is riding an hormonal roller coaster.

2. try not thinking about getting pregnant.  how about you think about the daily struggles of someone that wakes up every morning to take your temperature and pee on a fertility monitor stick.  then on “high” days peeing on another stick.  seriously.  my bathroom counter looks like a damn science experiment.  super sexy.  super relaxing.  infertility is caused by a medical condition, sometimes known and other times, unexplained. it is not related to forgetting how much you want a baby.  and to add to the emotional roller coaster, when we do get a positive test, my first thought is not “wonderful” it is “how long until i miscarry.”  i will never have a pregnancy where the thought of losing my child won’t be on my mind.  wanting something too much does not cause fertility problems and you simply cannot turn off your desire to be a parent. it is good to keep in mind that what others might view as an obsession can just be the process the doctor is prescribing.

3. are you pregnant? you look pregnant!  no joke.  someone said this to me.  after i lost about 70 pounds.  yay.  nothing like a little motivation.  in general, this is not something you want to say to ANY woman that may look pregnant. also, keep in mind that during certain fertility treatments, many women can go through pregnancy symptoms due to the drugs in their system and yes, their tummy area might look rounder than usual.

4. you should just adopt.  even better “you should get one of those black babies.  they are real cute when they are babies.”  what the hell?!  seriously.  what they hell is wrong with people. i have even heard “maybe your troubles are a sign you should adopt.” each person has the right to decide what route they are going to take, how hard they will fight against infertility and how they want to create their family.  the best is when people with no trouble having LOTS of babies will tell me that they would LOVE to be able to adopt and it must be so wonderful that that is my only choice.  people just need to stop.  adopting a child is such a tremendous decision.  one that i know i can’t make until i have resolved the feeling that i am going to my “back up” plan.  that child should never be viewed as a back up plan.

5. “who’s fault is it?”  infertility affects men and women equally and there is a huge percentage of couples that cannot find out the exact reason they are not able to conceive. clearly, there is no fault. and a couple that has a strong relationship will face this challenge together as a unit, so it becomes a couple’s problem and not an issue that affects just one of them.  often times i feel the blame.  thankfully my husband is always there reminding me that we are in this together and until the doctors say, “ah ha this is the problem” it is a problem that we share.  equally.  seriously.  stop being friends with people that ask you this.  and if you are that person, punch yourself.

6. “i didn’t even want to get pregnant…”  if your pregnancy was unplanned, do not rub it in. basically, don’t be an ass.  even if it’s true that you are dealing with a surprise baby, it’s so painful to hear for somebody who is doing everything she can to conceive to hear. it’s true that hearing about a new pregnancy or listening to a lot of cute baby talk can be painful for those with fertility challenges. in an effort to protect fertility challenged friends, sometimes people attempt to keep a new pregnancy secret. or they share almost nothing about their little ones, leading to awkward silences. this isn’t a good idea.  instead, give us the news of your pregnancy in a way that allows us privacy and room for our initial reaction – email is probably best, and a phone call is much better than in person. i have panic attacks that my initial reaction will be my raging hurt girl inside and i will flip a table new jersey housewife style.  secrets never remain secret for long, and we’re bound to hear your good news eventually.  especially in the world of facebook and social media.  we’d rather hear it from you.  i have an amazing friend that has two beautiful kids and a third on the way.  she is on the very short list of people with kids i can tolerate.  she understands that while i adore her and her kids, i won’t go to birthday parties.  we schedule a one on one visit around their birthday so i can spend quality time with her and her kids.  finding people in your life that are understanding and kind without treating you like you have a disease is rare and i treasure those relationships.

7. do you really want to be a mom?  “motherhood is overrated. it might not be for you.”  again, real comments people.  who decides who is right for motherhood?  yes, many people decide not to have children and there is nothing wrong with that. many of those people are my friends.  and it is refreshing.  but if you are actively seeking a pregnancy, undergoing medical procedures to conceive or taking medications to boost your fertility, clearly not having children is not what you think is best for you. yes, we know, kids are loud and don’t allow you a moment to yourself, kids never let you sleep, kids get in the way of sex, kids are a hassle. and we still want them. desperately.  we are not lucky to not have kids; our lives are not easier for the lack of them. in fact, infertility also takes away the quiet inner moments, infertility keeps us up at night, and infertility is a hassle. admit that you wouldn’t give up your kids even if it meant you’d have more sleep and less stress. if you would rather trade in your kids for peace and quiet, then please keep those thoughts to yourself, as they’re not very flattering – it just makes us wonder why the universe gives people children who don’t want them.

8. stop asking if we are pregnant yet.  we know you’re curious, but asking repeatedly whether or not we’re pregnant reminds us once again that we’re not. and “any news?” is essentially the same as asking if we’re pregnant, so don’t even think of trying that question instead.  you are not clever.  you are transparent. instead, assume that if we were pregnant and were ready to share, we would have already told you. if you want to ask us how we’re doing, then a simple, “how are you doing?” is best.  keep it simple people.

9. stop giving unrequested advice.  especially if you have never been down this path.  we know you just want to help, and maybe you heard of a new fertility treatment on the news that you’re sure will cure our problems. or perhaps you believe strongly in a particular health lifestyle, and you believe “if only” fertility challenged people lived that lifestyle they’d be as fertile as you are. or you’re sure if we would just relax, things would resolve magically.  offering these tidbits of advice feels condescending. it feels like you don’t think we can figure this out without your wise advice, as if we aren’t researching options endlessly ourselves. plus, that new fertility treatment you read about may not be available, and without understanding our exact fertility issues (please, don’t ask), you can’t really provide targeted advice.  try to understand we’re doing our own research and speaking with our doctors about how to proceed. if we want your advice, we’ll ask.

10.  bible quotes. philosophical quotes. you can shove them where the sun doesn’t shine.  if you are struggling with fertility and look to religion for support, great.  i don’t.  god and i are not best friends.  in fact i kind have some beef about the whole “everything happens for a reason” or “god will only give  you what you can handle.”  bull shit.  there are a number of things that happen in this world that are far more heart wrenching and heartbreaking than infertility.  walk down a terminally ill hospital floor for children.  this whole thing of you are given what you can handle.  i reject that.  i reject because there are some things that are greater pain than you can handle.  isn’t that what faith is for?  to reach out to something when you can’t handle the life pains.  i don’t get it.  but you sharing your bible quotes sure as hell isn’t helping me. stop speaking on the universe’s behalf. comments like “if it’s meant to be, it will happen,” or “maybe you weren’t meant to be parents,” don’t help. they add to our shame, as they imply we are not only infertile – but we also deserve it.  remember that no one really knows why things happen, and even if your philosophy on life comforts you, allow us to come to our own conclusions on why bad things happen to good people.

11.  stop accusing us of not appreciating the good in our lives.  our strong marriage, our great job, our nice house – whatever it is we have that’s great doesn’t take away the pain of infertility. it is possible to feel many feelings at once, sadness for our losses and joy for our blessings.  and we do.  it is what keeps us smiling.  it is what keeps us going.  every day we are grateful for the amazing life we have.  because no matter the pain, it is an amazing life.  keep in mind that people talk more about what’s troubling them than what’s going great. just because we don’t talk to you about all the wonderful in our life doesn’t mean we aren’t aware it’s there.

12.“god, i wish i could have a baby for you!”  you would be surprised how many people have offered their uterus to me.  from co-workers to friends.  it is all completely inappropriate.  while my better self is pleased that you are so fertile, i prefer to have a baby on my own in my own way. and i do understand that what you are trying to say is i feel terrible for you and wish there was something i could do to fix it.  but if that is what you mean, just say something to that effect. no offers of uterus-loaning required.  or wanted.

13. “those really aren’t miscarriages, you know. they happen to everyone.”  i know that early pregnancy testing makes it possible to detect pregnancies that would otherwise have gone undetected.  often referred as chemical miscarriages.  i have had 2 this past year.  3 total.  3 miscarriages that don’t fall into that category.  1 miscarriage at 10 weeks.  1 at 8 weeks.  and 1 at 6 weeks.  each one is different.  obviously, the farther along, yes, they are more difficult.  both physically and emotionally.  i still wake up some nights to “hearing the heartbeat” of our daughter.  yes.  we knew the gender of the farthest along loss.  yes.  i still cry about that one.  telling me that it happens to everyone, that it probably happened to you several times isn’t helpful. plenty of people get pregnant and stay pregnant, and i am not one of them.

14. “have you seen a doctor?”  please don’t ask.  along these lines, “haven’t you been trying for a while?”  i don’t need to be reminded of the months and years that have passed since starting down this path.  i am reminded with each birthday.  each christmas.  each gray hair.  i know how long it has been.  and in terms of the doctor.  it isn’t any of your business.  and if we have shared news with you regarding our medical decisions, it sure as hell isn’t your place to tell anyone else.  this is a betrayal of personal confidence.  don’t do it.

15. there are worse things that could happen. not many. but yes.  i have enough perspective to recognize that this is not the worst possible situation i could find myself in.  however.  EVERY single month you grieve a part of your life you want but can’t materialize. while i’m not saying there aren’t worse things, it IS an intensely challenging situation that has moments of big hopes and crushing disappointments. unless you’ve been there, don’t try to put it in a hierarchy of All Terrible Things of Mankind. and even if it’s not the most terrible thing ever, that still doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck.

click for source.

one way that helps me see the light from the darkness is to focus on the good.  i am currently working on a 26 acts of kindness blog feature.  another way i am feeling less woe is me, is moving.  cleaning house.  purging a closet.  keeping moving.


weigh in monday {new in home gym!}

this week i lost another pound.  just one.  i am kinda disappointed but not terribly surprised.  this is the stage in my “cycle” that i can’t push myself like i can the first two weeks prior to ovulation.  yes.  everything revolves around the fertility calendar these days.  so i will happily take my pound lost, continue biking every morning at a low speed/incline and burn my calories {in twice the time}.

click for source.

i realized this morning that i hadn’t talked about our new fitness equipment in detail.  this may have been the best decision we made in 2012.  we had a frank conversation with each other about fitness enjoyment.  the husband hates going to the gym.  he would much rather be outdoors biking on trails, chopping wood, hiking.  you name, he would rather be do that than inside on a treadmill.  we both have a gym membership because i typically prefer the gym in all the above instances.  and, being the supportive husband that he is, he wanted to support me.  so we talked about what we enjoyed at the gym and how we could implement that at home.  we love the rowing machine.  at the gym there are two right beside each other and we would “race” each other.  seriously.  it was never a real race because i am 5’2″ and he is 6’4″.  but we would push each other and it was a great workout.  lately, i have enjoyed cycling at the gym.  this is music to my bike loving husbands ears.

we decided to take the plunge and by a rower and a bike.  our inspiration came from our good friends that cycle while watching television each night.

for the rower, we went with what we knew from the gym.  the concept 2.  we were able to order from amazon and because of our prime membership, not pay shipping.  the computer allows you to hook up to your wireless and race {live} with other rowers online.  you can also race against your previous times stored.  the rower is great because it is cardio and strength training in one.  it is a full body workout and get me sweating like no other.

for the bike, we went with this schwinn.  in the indoor bike world there are SO MANY to chose from.  because the husband loves outdoor biking {and i feel i will too} we wanted an indoor bike the mimicked and outdoor bike.  so unlike the indoor cyclers at the gym, this one has a chain.  it has a pretty smart computer that shows calories burned and watts used {along with other numbers that i haven’t learned too much about yet}.  what i love most, is that everything from the seat {up/down, forward/back} and handle bars is completely adjustable so both the husband and i can find the perfect fit.

i love the set up.  i have enjoyed watching the morning news while burning some morning calories and hoping on in the evenings for a show.  tuesday mornings i have been watching the bachelor {from the night before} with no guilt.  a couple people have asked what equipment i would suggest and the honest answer is the equipment that you will use.  we had an elliptical before and never used it.  we didn’t spend a whole lot of money on it and i just didn’t like it.  not compared to the ones at the gym.  so my best advice is to save money and buy the best equipment you can because it really does make a difference.

this past weekend, saturday morning the husband and i went for a walk. then sunday morning we didn’t have as much time so i biked while he rowed.  on our way to lunch with friends, he stated that we are different people.  exercising and out of the house by 10:30 on a sunday morning.  i have to admit, it feels good to be these people.


delicious ambiguity.


2012 {a year in review}

i love looking back at the year coming to an end.  i love reflecting on the moments that have shaped who we are today.  in a broad sweep, i am thankful this year is over.  on one hand, boy, i have so much to be thankful for.  my husband and i are strong and healthy.  we have a beautiful home that continues to become just how we had wished it would be with each renovation.  our four-legged babies are well and make us laugh every. single. day.  we have had amazing travel adventures.  professionally, we are both doing exceedingly well.  we have wonderful friends and family.  but as this year comes to a close, i am more reminded of what we don’t have.  where we are versus where i had wanted to be.  i wanted to be out of the 200′s, i am not.  i wanted to be well on my way to having a baby, we are not.  this is another year that brought another miscarriage.  more month after month of counting days, taking temperatures, and peeing on countless sticks.  we are where we are.  we can’t change the reality of what we had hoped to be true, is not yet.  so while it is nice to look back, my sights are clear and focused on welcoming 2013.  only looking forward.

here are previous years in review: 2011, 2010, 2009, and 2008.

{january}

we were able to have our first taste of our own honey.  unfortunately, it was due to a failed hive that didn’t survive the winter.  this little taste has us very excited about the hive that is going strong.  we are hopeful that 2013 will bring a real harvest of honey in the fall.

we made the difficult decision to give away dorothy, our rooster.  he was a beautiful guy but was more frisky than our five hens could handle.  we found a wonderful farm that wanted a young rooster to replace their older one.  he had 30 hens in a completely free range farm.  a few months later we learned he had died.  we were definitely sad but know that he probably had the best three months running after all those ladies than we could have ever provided him here.  even though it is a sad ending, we know it was the best decision we could have made for our little flock.

{february}

the husband whisked me away to wilmington for the day for my 31st birthday.  i love day trips to the coast.  we aren’t huge beach people, so really, a day is all i need.  there is something about an afternoon wrapped in a quilt with toes in the sand.  it is good for my soul.  at the beginning of this month we suffered our third miscarriage.  this one was the earliest loss, at just 5 weeks.  each one has been so different but our heart breaks all the same.  a day trip to fly a kite was just what we needed.

we decided to take the plunge and buy dog grooming tools.  we couldn’t see spending $500 plus on grooming.  the pups loved the extra attention and we loved our wallets feeling a bit fuller.

i received quite the valentine’s day gift this year.  mlb premium package!  2012 was a dismal year for my red sox.  here is hoping cupid is as kind again this year and my boys in red decide to play real baseball this year.

because we were down a rooster, i foolishly decided to add three hens to our existing flock.  i will never make this mistake again!  don’t get me wrong, i love our new three.  dolly parton, stevie nicks, and tina turner are beautiful and great layers but it was weeks of rotating injured birds in and out of the house.  all the fighting played a toll on birds and humans alike.

we even built a separate pin inside of the existing run it got so bad.  thankfully, the ladies have settled down and figured it all out.  lesson learned.

{march}

i took my first pottery class and walked away with six bowls that i absolutely love.  i fell in love with pottery and hope to spend a good bit of 2013 at the wheel.

we began collecting enough eggs to start selling.

my first official business expense.  my very own macbook.  i can not express how much i love it.  of course, i did get a hot pink case to protect the goods.

the book club at the hunger games movie.  i saw it twice.  i loved the book series and the movie did not disappoint.  i am looking forward to 2013 book club picks.

we decided to do more adventuring in 2012.  we started in our own neighborhood.  we took a segway tour of the capital and loved it.  the back story if you don’t remember, in chicago the previous year we had wanted to do a segway tour of the city.  i was too heavy.  literally.  after significant weight loss, i was beyond thrilled to mark this adventure off my list.

in march i hit the 100 pounds lost goal.  i still can’t wrap my head around how much i have lost.  lately, most days i can only think about how much further i have to do but it is really nice to take a look back to see how far i have come.  i have accomplished a lot and should be more proud of myself than i am.  as my celebration, i bought myself a vitamix.  i know.  they are SO expensive.  but let me just say this, i use this baby every day.  seriously.  more than the microwave or the dishwasher.  it was hard spending the money initially, but looking back i wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.  best decision ever.

there was lots of garden work done.  weed pulling.  new mulch.

we also spent a weekend in kitty hawk.  hang gliding.

{april}

as part of our adventuring 2012 we signed up for the rugged maniac 5k!  it was an absolute blast.  the husband, our pet sitter and good friend bonnie, and good friend naomi all hit the course running.  running this race, i felt the best i have in years.  unfortunately, i have spent the rest of the year recovering from two herniated disks as a result of this race.

this very moment is when it all went numb.  i misaligned my hips and jacked up my back.  i haven’t been the same since.  i have learned in the last month that recovering from an injury is just as much mental as it is physical.  i have never in my life felt the sheer pain as i did with the herniated disks.  the fear of feeling that pain again has prevented me from pushing myself.  the moment i feel the slightest twinge in my back, i stop.  i am stronger than that.  i am slowly realizing that fear has been standing in my way and i am far more healed that i believed.

even with the injury, i am so glad we did this race.  the husband and i had a blast completing it together.


in april my beekeeper husband decided to add three hives to his families property in virginia.  this meant traveling a couple hours with boxes of live bees in our car.  sure.  adventuring in 2012, right?!

after much optimism, effort, and money we were devastated to learn that a bear was equally excited about the new hives.  needless to say, no bees survived and it was a complete loss.

i hosted my first sewing class!  based on the interest, i hope to add a couple more in 2013.

{may}

i honestly have no idea how we did all that we did in may.  we lived the hell out of may 2012.

first, a durham bulls game to see the red sox farm team.  i will support my red sox at all levels.

we hosted a memorial day bbq for several dear friends.  i mean.  watermelon + this cutie = sigh.  complete adorableness.

we then packed our bags for a final weight loss reward trip, jamaica!  this trip.  whenever i am anything but happy, i close my eyes and picture myself here.  with these people.  i fell in love.

we stayed in our own private home with a private beach and pool.  it was complete bliss.  each meal prepared by shaki (pictured below).  he knew all about my food allergy and took special care which included gluten free key lime pie and pancakes in the morning.  i have never in my life felt so pampered.  thanks to social media, shaki and i are still in touch.  he keeps me up to date with all the happenings there and i love the friendship we share.

when we arrived back to the states, the husbands little brother, matthew, graduated from pharmacy school.  we couldn’t be more happy and proud!

i loved looking back at events and comparing the life changes that the husband and i have made.  here is a picture of matthew’s undergraduate graduation and below from pharmacy school.  i will note that the fresh jamaican tan helps :)

a little after their graduation, matthew tied the knot!  here is the husband and myself at the rehearsal dinner.

{june}

the pups and i spent some quality time.  after a month of being on the go, we missed each other.

i made my first batch of watermelon jam from our home grown watermelon.

we celebrated father’s day in greensboro.

june brought record heat that our sweet rose “chunk” couldn’t handle.  despite all of our interventions, we lost our first hen.

we hit the airport again for a quick trip to chicago.  i love, love, love chicago and i love my dear friends that live there even more!  we decided to stay downtown and hit up all the touristy stops …

“the bean”

ferris wheel at the navy pier.  i am seriously not a fan of ferris wheels.

thanks to a groupon, we went sailing on the lake.

we were able to reconnect with our good friends to celebrate christina’s wedding!  i am so incredibly happy for her and mike.  i love these girls!!

another comparison shot from caitlin’s wedding a couple years ago to christina’s.  yay! for life changes :)

{july}

back home, my etsy shop business started picking up.

i completed another pottery class.  this time, berry bowls and a mug.

{august}

sweet milo bojangles is still having a hard time adjusting to being strictly an indoor cat.  his new cat tree helps occupy his attention.

our garden produced tons and tons of peppers.  plenty enough to jar up and preserve.

we were able to take the short trip to virginia to see my favorite band, mumford and sons.  the concert was incredible.  in february of 2013, we are heading to dc to see them again.  i would totally be a groupie if i didn’t have other responsibilities.

we traveled with my great friend, laura and her husband.  he is a master of picking out restaurants.

we dove into several firsts.  homemade yogurt.

freezer meals.

and homemade laundry soap.  this batch of soap is still going strong.  we use it for every load and i am guessing i have a couple months left.  talk about cost savings.

another first for me, camping!  surprise, i loved it!  i can’t wait to go again in 2013.

{september}

i learned that i am going to be an aunt!  my little brother and his wife, jackie, are expecting their first in late february.  along with my dad and stepmom, i threw them a gender reveal party.  i had a lot of fun planning such a fun party!

the cupcakes revealed, PINK!  i can’t wait to spoil little addison grace in 2013!!

{october}

we completed our master bedroom renovation.  here is the before …

and after.

while at it, we tackled the closet as well.  new paint and shelving system.  ahh, sweet organization.

i learned how easy it is to make homemade stock.

the husband found a ridiculous price for hardwoods and had more tons than i can remember delivered.  since then, he is often found outside chopping away.

we celebrated my dad’s birthday in durham!  he was on a duke high because they had just become bowl eligible.

the husband and i made our way to the state fair.  year after year, we can’t stay away.

another photo collage from the state fair.  looking at these makes me proud but is also motivation to keep going!

we took the opportunity on pregnancy and infant loss day to remember our three heartaches.

we also celebrated the husband and an award he won at work.  i am beyond proud of him and his work.  it was wonderful to see his company recognize his groups achievement.  as part of the award, we were treated to a trip to new york city!

we had time to take in some sights and even enjoy a quintessential new york city deli, with gluten free bread!

after catching matthew broderick on broadway, we were able to meet and snap a couple photos with him.

{november}

for our second year in a row, we completed a thanksgiving day race.  this one in greensboro with my dad and stepmom.

we hosted a thanksgiving feast at our house this year.  my wonderful cousins from georgia came up for a few days and we invited lots of neighbors, friends, and family!  it was an absolute blast!

maybe the biggest news of the year was my etsy shop being published!  it was featured in the holiday gift guide in us weekly.  there it is, first page front and center.  i still have to pinch myself.

needless to say, the orders immediately started rolling in. 263 orders later, all that had requested christmas delivery were fulfilled.  it was a very busy month.

i upgraded sewing machines.

sam tried to keep me company but sometime he just had to rest on a pair of slippers.  such a hard life.

the husband had to travel a bit for work so my best friend came over for an old school slumber party.  board games and all.

{december}

a birthday scavenger hunt for the husband.

new living room furniture.

a christmas trip to asheville.  we stayed downtown in a new hotel and was within walking distance of my favorite spots.  salsa’s.  incredible.  tupelo honey.  amazing.  and my new favorite, posano.  a 100% gluten free restaurant.  seriously.  every. single. thing is gluten free.  i mean, why don’t i live here?!

and the french broad chocolate lounge.  yes, we spent two nights here for dessert.  i fell in love with the liquid truffle with cinnamon and cayenne ganache.  the husband, quintessential chocolate cake.  pure. food. bliss.

wife secret: i love christmas vacation for one reason.  the husband grows a beard.  sigh.

now we are back home and enjoying our last few days of vacation.  our three loves staying warm by the fire.  we are obsessed with breaking bad and staying up way too late watching episode after episode.

my hopes for 2013 are simple.  i want to fill my year with memories of laughter and new experiences.  i want to continue living more healthy than i did the day before.  i hope you all have enjoyed the ride of 2012 and will join me in welcoming 2013 with open arms.

happy new year!


{wordless wednesday}

{green smoothies, etsy orders on steriods, facetime with my traveling husband, slumber party with my soul mate/best friend, reliving our middle school years}


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